Away in a Manger

　One afternoon about a week before Christmas, my family of four piled into our minivan to run an errand, and this question came from a small voice in the back seat: "Dad," began my five-year-old son, Patrick, "how come I"ve never seen you cry?"

　　Just like that. No preamble. No warning. Surprised, I mumbled something about crying when he wasn"t around, but I knew that Patrick had put his young finger on the largest obstacle to my own peace and contentment -- the dragon-filled moat separating me from the fullest human expression of joy, sadness and anger. Simply put, I could not cry.

　　I am scarcely the only man for whom this is true. We men have been conditioned to believe that stoicism is the embodiment of strength. We have traveled through life with stiff upper lips, secretly dying within.

　　For most of my adult life I have battled depression. Doctors have said much of my problem is physiological, and they have treated it with medication. But I know that my illness is also attributable to years of swallowing rage, sadness, even joy.

　　Strange as it seems, in this world where macho is everything, drunkenness and depression are safer ways for men to deal with feelings than tears. I could only hope the same debilitating handicap would not be passed to the next generation.

　　So the following day when Patrick and I were in the van after playing at a park, I thanked him for his curiosity. Tears are a good thing, I told him, for boys and girls alike. Crying is God"s way of healing people when they"re sad. "I"m glad you can cry whenever you"re sad," I said. "Sometimes daddies have a harder time showing how they feel. Someday I hope to do better."

　　Patrick nodded. In truth, I held out little hope. But in the days before Christmas I prayed that somehow I could connect with the dusty core of my own emotions.

honest with yourself

Be honest with yourself by paying attention to your actions. Actions speak louder than words, and they always tell the truth. What do your actions say about you? If you say you love your job, but your actions say otherwise, which do you think is more true - your words or your actions? On the other hand, if you say you're not good at a certain job, but your actions say otherwise, that's also important. What do you do with this insight? You can use it to make more beneficial choices in your life. By being honest with yourself based on your previous actions, your actions moving forward will be based on truth instead of just what you tell yourself.

Take time out during the day for quiet time to listen to your inner voice. I call this inner voice the voice of God. This is similar to point number one, but it takes it a step further - beyond the natural mind to the supernatural heart. You may want to use your quiet time to meditate or pray. However you use this time, the key is to shut out all of the noise around you by focusing deep within yourself. Breathing deeply during quiet time will also help you focus. I know it's hard to find quiet time during a particularly busy day, but it's so important - even if it's just 10 minutes a day and you have to sneak away to get it. Quiet time can really make a difference in your life. It enables you to hear God speaking to your heart reminding you of His perfect love for you.

Despite what your subconscious may be telling you, you can have love with no limits. The key is to unconditionally love yourself first.

Does Love Exist

Most of us long for relationships in which we are loved and accepted just the way we are. Our hearts' desire is to give and receive love in relationships that make us feel that even if others disaGREe with what we do or say, they still love us. They accept us. They appreciate our contributions to the world. While it would be wonder
ful to have these types of relationships with all people, we know that that's hard to do. We can, however, have them with some others, but only when we first have them with ourselves-and, ironically, this is often the hardest relationship of all.

One of the reasons many of us find it hard to love ourselves is because we do not realize that we are already loved in the most divine way. God loves us, totally and unconditionally.

It's hard for many of us to believe this fact because we know how imperfect we are, and we believe we have to be perfect before God will love us. The truth is that God's love makes us perfect, even with our imperfections. By knowing this truth intellectually and believing it spiritually, we not only love ourselves more; we love others more as well.

Do you love yourself? You may think you do, but do you really? There's only one way to find out-by taking a closer look at what you think, say, and do. You may not like some of what you find, but if you're serious about really loving yourself, you can use this insight to do some positive inner work.

Here are three ways I've found for gaining GREater personal insight for deeper love.

Listen to your words and listen even more closely to your thoughts. Why? Because your words and your thoughts will determine your actions. One of the things that has helped me to listen to my thoughts has been to keep a journal. It is not necessary for you to write in it everyday, but it helps to record various insights you gain as you go about living your life. Instead of using a big notebook, you might use a small note pad that you can keep in your purse or pocket for easy access to record your thoughts as they occur to you. (I've found that if I don't immediately write down ideas and insights as they come, it's hard to remember them later, at least with the same deGREe of clarity.) Whichever method you choose, what's most important is that you write your thoughts down. It will help you know what's in your heart.

To Beth’s First-Grade Teacher

I didn't know the man in front of me that morning. But I did notice that we both walked a little straighter, a little more proudly, as our daughters held our hands. We were proud but apprehensive on that important day. Our girls were beginning first grade. We were about to give them up, for a while at least, to the institution we call school. As we entered the building, he looked at me. Our eyes met just for a minute, but that was enough. Our love for our daughters, our hopes for their future, our concern for their well-being welled up in our eyes.

You, their teacher, met us at the door. You introduced yourself and showed the girls to their seats. We gave them each a good-bye kiss, and then we walked out the door. We didn't talk to each other on the way back to the parking lot and on to our respective jobs. We were too involved thinking about you.

There were so many things we wanted to tell you, Teacher. Too many things were left unsaid. So I'm writing to you. I'd like to tell you the things we didn't have time for that first morning.

I hope you noticed Beth's dress. She looked beautiful in it. Now I know you might think that's a father's prejudice, but she thinks she looks beautiful in it, and that's what's really important. Did you know we spent a full week searching the shopping malls for just the right dress for that special occasion? She wouldn't show you, but I'm sure she'd like you to know that she picked that dress because of the way it unfurled as she danced in front of the mirrors in the clothing store. The minute she tried it on, she knew she'd found her special dress. I wonder if you noticed. Just a word from you would make that dress all the more wondrous.

Her shoes tell a lot about Beth and a lot about her family. At least they're worth a minute of your time. Yes, they're blue shoes with one strap. Solid, well-made shoes, not too stylish, you know the kind. What you don't know is how we argued about getting the kind of shoes she said all the girls would be wearing. We said no to plastic shoes in purple or pink or orange.

Beth was worried that the other kids would laugh at her baby shoes. In the end she tried the solid blue ones on and, with a smile, told us she always did like strap shoes. That's the first-born, eager to please. She's like the shoes

my face

Turning from the bed I felt compelled to search my dresser. Rummaging through drawer after

drawer proved futile, until finally, in the last drawer, clear in the back I felt it. It was

a small, white box with my name scribbled on top in a child"s handwriting. Prying it open, I

was instantly transported back in time.

Conan had been about ten years old, and it was the night before going on vacation to

Florida. He was going with us, and I was packing in my room when I heard a knock on my door.

Conan stood there, his eyes downcast and his hands behind his back.

"What is it, son?" I asked, concerned by this unexpected visit.
Shuffling his feet, he quickly mumbled, "I don"t know why I don"t call you "Mom" very often,

even though I call my stepdad "Dad.""

I hugged him and reassured him he was free to call me whatever he was comfortable with. Then

suddenly, with a wry smile on his pudgy face, he handed me the small, white box.

"You choose," he said, and darted from the room.

Assuming I"d find two items inside the box, I opened it. Instead, I found the single gold

wheat pin he"d bought at a garage sale with his own money.

Scribbled inside the lid of the box were the words, "I Love You. To Mom or Connie."

That had been almost a decade ago, yet as I pushed the spilled contents of my jewelry box

aside and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, it felt like yesterday.

Thank you, God, for finding this pin, and for the closure that comes with it.

Wiping the tears from my face, I reflected on an angelic little boy whose heart beat close

to mine.

I still choose "Mom."

the missing link

Arriving at the gravesite, I remembered Chuck mentioning that the permanent headstone had

recently arrived. Chuck had told Conan"s mom to select what she wanted. As I looked down on

the shiny marble surface, I noticed she had chosen a bronze sports emblem, along with a

picture of Conan that had been permanently embedded under a thick layer of glass.

I bent down and lovingly ran my fingers over his engraved name and the dates commemorating

his short life. Through a mist of tears, memories of a rambunctious, fun-loving little boy

filled my heart. The child I"d mothered part-time for so many years may not have come

through my body, but I had been chosen by God to provide a maternal influence in his life.

Not to take his mother"s place, but to be just a "step" away. I suddenly felt very honored

to have been chosen.

"It was a privilege to be your stepmother," I whispered out loud, bending to kiss his

picture.

Finally, a sense of peace was beginning. With a heavy sigh, I got up to leave. But as I

turned to walk away, the sun glistened on the border of the headstone, causing me to look

back.

"Oh my gosh! How could I have not noticed it before?"

The entire border of the headstone was trimmed in gold shafts of wheat . . . exactly like a

gold shaft-of-wheat pin Conan had given me years ago. Chills ran up and down my spine. I

hadn"t seen that pin in years.

Somehow, I just knew it was the missing link. I had to find that pin.

The ride home was a blur. I was so excited. Finally, I was upstairs in my bedroom tearing

apart my jewelry box. Where was it? Dumping the contents on the bed, I frantically tossed

earrings and pins to and fro.

Nothing.

God, this is important. Please help me find it, I prayed.

comforting journal excerpts

But in his grief immediately upon Conan"s death, Chuck suddenly stopped seeking my opinion

and began turning to his ex-wife. I knew they had to make many final decisions together, and

I realized later that he was trying to spare me from the gruesome details, but for the first

time, I began to feel like an outsider instead of a parent.

I also knew the driver responsible for the accident had to be prosecuted, which meant Chuck

and his ex-wife would have to stay in contact. Those ugly jealousies from the past began to

resurface when, night after night, he talked to her, seldom discussing their conversations

with me.

And it stung when friends inquired only about Chuck"s coping, or sent sympathy cards

addressed just to him, forgetting about me and even our two children. Some belittled my

grieving because I was "just" a stepparent. Did anyone realize my loss and pain? I"d had

strong maternal feelings for Conan; he considered me his second mother - or did he? As the

weeks turned into months, that question haunted me, dominating my thoughts. I became driven

to understand just what my role had been.

I rummaged through boxes of photos and dug out old journals, searching the house for

mementos, even Christmas ornaments he had made.

There were several comforting journal excerpts, one describing Mother"s Day phone calls from

Conan to me, and a beautiful white poinsettia he gave me at Christmas. And I cherished the

memories old photos brought back - his loving bear hugs after cooking his favorite meal - or

a kiss for simply doing his laundry. As comforting as these things were, they still weren"t

enough.

One beautiful spring day, almost a year after he died, I was lovingly caressing the pressed

rose from his grave that I kept in my Bible. Suddenly, I felt compelled to visit his grave

alone. I had never done that before, but I desperately needed some answers.

kids and stepkids

I loved being both a mom and a stepmother, but as in any blended family, it had its ups and downs. Chuck"s ex-wife had custody of his kids and gave them more freedom than we gave our children. Needing to be consistent with our rules, I"m certain we appeared overly strict to his kids. On their weekend visitations, I usually felt like an old nag.

As a second wife, I was jealous of my stepchildren"s mother. I complained about her and her husband within earshot of my stepkids, and even grumbled about buying my stepchildren extras on top of paying child support. Somehow I overlooked the important fact that my stepchildren were the innocent ones thrust into a blended family.

Then one day at a gathering of my own family, I watched as my mother went up to my stepmother and gave her a hug. I turned and saw my father and stepfather laughing together. Having always appreciated the cooperative relationship my parents and stepparents had, it occurred to me that Chuck"s children longed for the same. So Chuck and I decided to work hard at bridging gaps instead of creating them.

It wasn"t easy, and changes didn"t come overnight, but they did come. By the time Conan was fifteen, a peace had settled between parents and stepparents. Instead of griping about child-support payments, we voluntarily increased them. And finally Conan"s mom gave us copies of his report cards and football schedules.

I was proud of my kids and stepkids. After graduation, my stepdaughter married, and she and her husband built a house together. At seventeen, Conan had become a sensible, intelligent young man. With rugged good looks and a deep, baritone voice, I wondered what fortunate girl would snatch him up.

But then came that phone call, changing our lives forever - Conan was killed instantly by a drunk driver.

Over the years we"d been married, Chuck had reassured me that I was a parent to his children, too. He sought my opinion in matters concerning them and relied on me to make their Christmases and birthdays special. I enjoyed doing those things and looked upon myself as their second mother.

I Still Choose "Mom"

I watched through blurred vision as my husband, Chuck, walked away with his ex-wife.

The heaviness in all our hearts was almost unbearable. Turning back to my stepson"s casket I somehow helped my children pluck a rose from the brother spray to press in their Bibles. With tears streaming down my face, I rested my hand on the son spray. I no longer knew my place.

God, I silently screamed, how did I fit in Conan"s life?

From the moment I"d met my stepson, I was in awe of this angelic little boy whose bright, blond hair seemed to glow with a heavenly radiance. At only a year-and-a-half, he was built like a three-year-old. Solid and stocky, sleeping curled in my lap, his tiny heart beat against mine, and a maternal bonding began stirring inside me.

Within a year I became a stepmother to Conan and his older sister, Lori. Soon after that, a visit to the doctor revealed some disheartening news.

"You have an infertility disease," the doctor had said. "You might not ever have children of your own."

At twenty-two, that news was shattering. I had
always wanted to be a mother. Suddenly, I realized being a stepmother might be as close as I would get, and I became even more involved in their lives.

But thankfully, four years later we joyfully discovered I was pregnant. Chase was born, then two years later we were blessed with our daughter, Chelsea.

The Fastest Rabbit

One day a mother rabbit was having a baby rabbit.

The other rabbits were very fast and could jump very high. When the little rabbit was 4 months old, it started to talk.

The very first thing he said was "I want to jump very very high".

After a few years when the little rabbit could say anything he wanted to say, he started to pray to God at night.

He would always pray that he wanted to jump very very high and run very, very fast.

Well one day he started a race with one of the other rabbits. The other rabbit was in first place,then he got in first place, then the other rabbit got in first place until he got in first place.

He tripped and fell down. He looked up and he saw a fire-breathing dragon. The dragon told him that he could win this race if he really tried.

Then the rabbit got up and tried his hardest.

Finally he caught up to the other rabbit. Then he passed the finish line.

And he won the race

Early Shopper

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.



"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.



"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"



"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Lucy looked at her mother

One evening, she was giving her small daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.

Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

No Hoes

A thirteen-year-old boy was sitting on the sofa watching TV when the phone rang　　

“Hello, my son.” it was his father’s voice, “where is your mother?”

“Mother is working in the garden.”　　

“What?” barked the father, “Your mother is not as young and strong as she used to be. Why aren’t you helping her?”

“I can't.” was the reply. “Grandma is using the other hoe.”

Is there a crib in your stomach?

When my sister-in-low Leach was expecting her second child, her son Brain would sometimes touch his mother’s tummy to feel the baby move. 　　One day, while touching her stomach and not feel anything, he asked, “How come the baby isn’t moving?”

“The baby is sleeping.” replied his mother.

Brain thought a moment and then said, “You mean you got a crib in there too?”

Saving a Dollar

Johnny: Papa, would you be glad if I saved a dollar for you?

Papa: Naturally, my son.

Johnny: Well, I have saved one dollar for you. You said that if I brought a good mark this week, you would give me a dollar and I haven’t brought one.

my husband

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

A Way for Business People to Learn Chinese

BEIJING – Chinese language teachers in Beijing don’t need to apply for work visas to teach in the United States anymore. From an office in west Beijing they can teach their mother tongue through the Internet language school eChineseLearning to Americans and students in 41 other countries.

Born in Beijing, Fred Rao, founder and CEO of chinese-online, speaks passionately about his teaching adventure and mission: to cover every corner of the world with the Chinese language.

After graduating from Stanford University with a master’s in business administration, Rao launched his Internet language school in Beijing in the spring of 2006, with venture capital from the United States. He said his dream took root in his heart long ago, when he lived with his teacher parents. He started his first weekend Chinese language school in the San Francisco Bay Area while still a student at Stanford.

In the fall of 2006, the U.S. College Board's Advanced Placement Program, which prepares high school students for college-level courses, added the Chinese language and culture class into its curriculum. It brought the Chinese language to the attention of many American high schools, students and their parents.

“As we don’t have enough Chinese teachers in my school, we use chinese-online’s service to provide online tutoring service for our students,” said Mary Hagen, who teaches at a high school in Palo Alto, Calif. “Its service is supplementary to our teaching at the school.”

Thousands of high schools across the United States started offering Chinese courses last year, which Rao sees as opening the door to a huge market to his Internet Chinese language school. Since then, chinese-online has landed an increasing number of individuals, as well as school groups, to learn from more than 40 teachers working in China’s capital. Students and teachers sit in a virtual classroom using the free service of Skype, said Rao.

Rao’s Internet language school would have been a mission impossible only a few years ago, when the technologies needed were rare and expensive. But now, empowered by Skype, Google Talk and MSN, with audio, video and multimedia materials on its website, more than 400 students between four and 72 years old have been studying in virtual classrooms. Rao plans to attract students from at least 100 countries next year.

But it is China’s economic engine that is the most powerful force bringing students to learn Chinese. People from all over the world believe that knowing the delicate tonal language is surely a tool to grab a sizeable share of that market.

Jeff Ryan from New York City said one key reason his company chose to train employees in virtual Chinese language classrooms on a regular basis was “that they (eChineseLearning) can customize lessons to meet our employee’s need and schedule.”

“The price is unbelievably cheap – a small fraction for what you would ordinarily have to pay in the United States for such high quality one-on-one tutoring,” said Anthony Zaloom, adjunct professor of law, business and economy, who teaches at Univ. of California, Berkeley School of Law.

The price is a big draw for individual and group students. eChineseLearning charges students nine U.S. dollars per hour, less than half of the market price for the prevalent tutoring rate of $20 to $30 in the San Francisco Bay Area or in New York. If bought in bulk class hours, students get an hour for seven dollars. From time to time, the online language school offers promotions. Its five dollars per hour price lures new students.

Having been an eChineseLearning student since shortly after the school got started, Zaloom has worked in law firms in China and Japan for more than three decades.

The course is tailored to each student’s need. Rao now offers an advanced-level course, with the student reading and discussing with his or her Chinese teacher the most famous, ancient Chinese novel “Dream of the Red Chamber.”

The Best Way to Learn Chinese Language

Whenever people know that I'm the owner of a Chinese school (Chinese-online), they would immediately ask me: What's the best way to learn Chinese (as a second language, of course) ?

Well, It's not a straight-forward answer. The implication of the question is 'How can I effectively learn Chinese language and quickly?'

Actually not only for learning Chinese, to Learn any language as a second effectively is dependant on lots of factors like
- If the teaching materials, system are suitable for the learners
- If the teacher's roll can be fulfilled
- The learner's determination for acquisition of the language
- The learner's ability of language acquisition
- the teaching method, etc.

But you can judge by a principle which way is better. Since the function of language is communication, and communication acquires two parties to pass the messages to each other interactively, even though when the messages are decoded by the other party there is sometimes some inaccuracy, even completely wrong. For example, when I taught a German student the fourth tone (there are 4 basic tones in Spoken Chinese), he couldn't do it right - but went to 'first tone'), then when I added on hand gesture and also told him to pay stress on it, he immediately got it right.

This fact again proved the scientific principle for training which CH has been applying - by using learners all (more) senses - Sight, Hearing, Touch, Speaking you can get the best results


Therefore you can judge by this all-sense principle which Chinese language program could generate better results; any way that only applies listening or and limited imitation can not achieve real communication.

Of course, this is not to say that CDs, tapes, radio and podcasts are not language-learning achievable because anybody would have a learning preference, I believe if you do something with your preference, it always help - it gives you extra motivation.

The most important point when you choose a Chinese program is, to know at what stage you are to start, i.e. the foundation of your Chinese, and your aim and target. If you're at beginning or elementary level, I suggest you choose programs with the All-sense principle, like CH program.

It's not because I'm the owner of Chinese Horizon, just from the viewpoint of language acquisition, I strongly recommend learners of beginner to intermediate levels take our programs; for learners of advanced level, you have more options to take, but CH can also meet your needs in one way or another.

learn chinese-one on one mandarin lessons online

With the increased popularity of the internet, online learn chinese or distance education has become more popular and mainstream. The learning courses offered online do not require the student to be on campus for most or all class participation. The courses allow the students to work with course materials at their own convenience or communicate with tutor using instant message tools like MSN or Skype.

Online learning are ideal for people who have full-time jobs or other commitments and cannot take time off for full time studies. By leveraging the internet to deliver rich multimedia instruction along with online communities and discussions, e-learning has the power to increase access to education and training, while reducing learning costs.

No matter the level of instruction or information you are seeking, you no longer have to achieve your education through the traditional means. Browse through internet which contains extensive information and resources for today’s online learning and education.

My advice to anyone wanting to learn Chinese is to come to Chinese Online. Rather than paying for a substandard university course you can have a true immersion experience and get paid for your efforts. If you did want to go to University then fee’s here are very very cheap. It is just a piece of cake for people living in the western world.